Link: The Faces of Evil

LINK: THE FACES OF EVIL

In 1993, Nintendo leased some of their titles out to Imagination Magic to create games for the experimental new Phillips CDi system. The results included Hotel Mario, Link: The Faces of Evil, and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon. They are all . . . really bad. I mean, really, really bad. Widely considered to be some of the worst games ever made, and certainly the worst Zelda games by a wide margin, though they have picked up some meme popularity in recent years, which is probably well-deserved.

The game stars Link as the main playable character. Here he wields a sword and shield, as well as such items as a bell, bombs, the water of life, a winged helmet acting similarly to the Pegasus shoes, a Power Glove, a rope, a lantern, and a snowball. He also has the Book of Koridai, which can defeat Ganon in one hit. Not too much new. I think I'll hold off any decision there until I see the TV show version, there's a lot of design similarities.

The game is chock-full of supporting characters, mostly appearing in some of the worst animated cutscenes you will ever find. Among these are Zelda, King Harkinian (though with a completely different design from the show, strangely), a wizard named Gwonam with a magic carpet, and several other shopkeepers and people you can visit for important quest details, the most memed one being a merchant named Morshu.

Ganon is the main villain and he mostly attacks you with flaming skulls. He also has five main bosses working for him, namely the wizard Goronu, the clownish pig Harlequin, a knight named Militron, a fat, blobby thing called Glutko, and a wolfman named Lupay. Most of their fights are pretty basic. A lot of standard enemies appear, albeit barely recognizable. These include: Moblins, Goriyas, Stalfos, Achemen, Armos, Dairas, Darknuts, Dodongos, Ghinis, Gleeoks, Gohmas, Keese, Octoroks, Wallmasters, Zols, and Zoras.

Most of the game takes place on a giant island called Koridai with several literal evil faces sticking up from it. Most of these faces are literally named after the boss that resides there, being Goronu, the Harlequin Bazaar, Militron, Glutko, and Lupay. Other locations include the snowy Nortinka, Crater Cove, Toyku Lighthouse, Firestone Lake, Spearfish Falls, Serigon Caves, the Fortress Centrum, Hermit Flat, Shipwreck Cliff, and Ganon's Lair.

Really, that's all we've got. Here's what we've got so far:

Characters:

Link: sword, shield, bell, bombs, water of life, winged helmet, Power Glove, rope, lantern, snowball, Book of Koridai

Zelda

King Harkinian

Tingle: fight cloud, money management, fireworks, make maps, fly with balloons, drop bombs, cook, shovel, bat, stretch and leap, rupee blast, baseball, slingshot, rope, train car, scary face

Pinkle: potential echo fighter or gimmick rep

Tingle's companions (Kakashi, Buriki, and Lion): crawl, pick things up, get thrown, carried by crows, scan, connect to electricity, trip, lift bell, knock tree over, pick vegetables, slingshot, scary face, seeds, train car?

Gwonam: Maybe there's a gimmick rep here? We'll hold off until the others.

Ganon: flaming skulls

Sensei, Azusa, Iona, Liar, and Princess

Aba: potential gimmick rep

Teddy Todo/other bodyguards

Yamori: ninja blade, hide, disguise, leap, kite, smoke bombs

Uncle Rupee: sofa, lightning, table shields, cats, grand form, green cloud, giant head, bodyguards with rupee guns

Segare: sword, horse, leap, giant mech, rocket launchers, ramp, sabotage, vandalism, spiked wall

Majiyo: shapeshift, teleport, become gigantic, float, bee, worm, snake, final form

Oinker: bombs, swords, shields, lances, spells, rolling around on balls, sword spin, rage circle, more Oinkers, meteors, float, slash, waves of magic

Captain Stalfos: fireball, swords

Bosses:

Death Bug

Bana Bana

Dora Dora

Baron

Goronu

Harlequin

Militron

Glutko

Lupay

Stages:

Tingle's Room

Port Town

Western Pool

Hero's Shrine

Pirate Hideaway

Deku Temple

Insect Cavern

Desma's Labyrinth

Captain Stalfos's Ship

Cape Treasure

Deku Forest

Gooey Swamp

Mount Desma

Fairy Garden

Auros Ruins

Balloon Fight

Book

Emerald City

Koridai

Goronu

Harlequin Bazaar

Militron

Glutko

Lupay

Nortinka

Crater Cove

Toyku Lighthouse

Firestone Lake

Spearfish Falls

Serigon Caves

Fortress Centrum

Hermit Flat

Shipwreck Cliff

Ganon's Lair

Thanks for reading! Next up, Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon.